Yes, I’m alive, and survived the end of term. The independent study is in (choice scintillating sentence: “These corrosion species include the FeO(OH) group, of which β-FeO(OH), or akaganéite, is one of the most prevalent, due to its inclusion of chloride ions in its lattice structure.”), the objects are done, and summer stretches out. I’ve got a few loose ends to tie up, but mostly I now spend my days watching Supernatural and knitting, or various other crafty things. I have to run out later and get things for the garden, as it’s all sprout-y and I’m all ‘fuck, I have no planters’-y. It is bliss like I cannot tell you.
Of course, I spent a stupid amount of time stressing over this whole…writer-y…thing. And how I fear that I’m not doing it right, that I’m going to disappoint someone horribly without realising it. I have been pushing myself for so long and so hard, darlings, in so many ways. I’m 28, and I’ve lived at least three lifetimes, it feels. I thrive off of it, but you know, I think I’m starting to break a little bit. Actually, I’m quite sure of it. Which, lets be honest, does no one any good.
So I shall do what I do best, which is be different and/or a bit of a git, depending on your definition. I do not want this to become a chore; I write because it’s fun! I want this to not just be about writing, either, and doing the chats you’re supposed to do (wherein no one save other authors participates, and what a fecking great joy that is), and selling yourself the way you’re supposed to. You know what? I don’t want that. Or at least not just that. And I’m willing to accept the lower sales, or whatever will come, because darlings, I’m so tired. I’m so tired, and when I decided I was going to do all of this my way, I stopped feeling so tired. Anarchic and curious and mad is my way, and it always should have been so.
So, basically — I hope everything in this journal will be great fun for all of us. I have some awesome ideas for giveaways and promotions on my terms, and they’ll be great fun to put in motion. And if that doesn’t work out, then I shall make you look at pictures of my knitting and post free fic (some of that coming later this week, I think), and it will probably be a little bit scary, and I may disappoint people anyway, but I think it will be grand, too.
This is in no way related to realising that the world is about to change faster than ever, and feeling very zeitgeisty 🙂 I’m very excited about trying new things, and experimenting. And, of course — finally having time and energy to write more.